Remember Me
by Novoux
Summary: When Izaya's not there, Shizuo doesn't think he'll notice where his jacket ends up most nights. Shizaya & Izuo


For the longest time, Shizuo goes without being spotted.

The first _night_ he starts this habit of his, he doesn't really notice it. By all means, it's only a beginning of a cautionary dive, spending the night in Izaya's apartment while Izaya's out until morning. In all, nothing serious when he can't seem to get to sleep and the second he closes his eyes, he sees horrible images of blood and broken bodies.

(The last time Izaya went out, just two weeks ago, he had been attacked. Stabbed multiple times, left in a pool of his own blood, and the only reason he's still alive is because Shizuo has a supernatural sense of intuition.)

As summer sets into Tokyo, it's not uncommon for Izaya to leave his jacket behind. Draped somewhere around the apartment, usually either in the bedroom or over his desk chair. Either way, Shizuo usually finds it before he goes to bed whenever he spends the night, giving it a cursory glance before heading up the stairs.

Only the first time he can't fall asleep, the jacket gives him an idea. It comes to mind like a fever dream—hazy, strange, and confusing with the hint of sleep deprivation—and he toys with it, lying in the enormous bed where Izaya's place is empty and made up and filled with all the pillows. Just as he likes it, Shizuo remembers as he comes to sit up in bed, eyes focusing in the darkness while attempting to understand the appeal of Izaya's jacket.

The strangeness, for some unspecific reason, doesn't stop him from getting up, stumbling his way over to the light—nearly burning his retinas in the process—and trudging down the steps. It takes a while, grumbling incoherently to himself while he searches for the stupid thing, searching and ready to give up before he finally spots it, draped over the couch.

He remembers then that Izaya left it there, settling for a nap when Shizuo offered him a break. And how it moved with every slow, measured breath he took, covering Izaya like a blanket while he made a pillow out of Shizuo and slept for hours with the jacket over him. And then, in the moments after Izaya wakes up from one of his cell phone's alarms, Shizuo manages to coax a rare treat of allowed cuddling, stealing kisses and Izaya holding still when Shizuo pets his hair.

Funny thing is, Shizuo remembers as he pads over to the jacket, Izaya fell asleep shortly after, missing a meet-up with one of his clients and when he was awoken to dinner, he didn't seem to care much. The sheer lack of concern on his face isn't something Shizuo sees often, rare as the kisses and how slow and sweet they are before Izaya finally escapes Shizuo's grasp for the night.

Damn him. Shizuo sighs, fingering the jacket's fluffy cuff with his thumb and forefinger, pulling it off the couch and into his hand. Even though it's no longer warm from Izaya's body heat, it still reeks of him as if he hasn't left at all. Warm, sleek, and dark, reminding him grudgingly that Izaya's not here and his jacket isn't much of a replacement at all.

He ponders the idea over in his head, staring at the material while his feet carry him back upstairs, not wanting to stand on cold floor any longer and the windows downstairs letting in too much light to take in. And as he makes his way up the steps he still wonders what he's doing, thinking he's just wasting time because Izaya has clients that demand his time far more often than they deserve it.

For some reason, however, Izaya thinks Shizuo's way of reasoning is oddly humorous. But the little chuckle of his, light and warm, makes Shizuo forget all about it in favor of hearing it within the replays inside his head long after Izaya's gone.

In bed, he doesn't exactly know what to do, only recalling the way Izaya looked small, huddled under the warmth of the admittedly sturdy jacket. That, along with the soft and sleek feel and even though it doesn't look like much, it holds a lot more than at first glance.

Just like Izaya, Shizuo humors himself dryly, draping the jacket over himself and pulling the covers up to give himself excuses that he's just using what he can. It's not even that comfortable, seeing as it doesn't make any attempt of being arms tucked into his chest or the warm feel of another body tightly pulled into his, but he never expects it to replace.

The first time, Shizuo finds, becomes the first step of a habit that keeps growing stronger the more Izaya doesn't notice.

Tonight is one of the rare nights Izaya has off, meaning spending the day pretending to look busy while Shizuo invites himself over, citing boredom as his reason. He doesn't care if Izaya scoffs, quietly chuckling to himself and haphazardly trying to avoid a kiss that becomes a series of them until he pulls away promptly.

Shizuo makes himself at home, seeing as he always does when Izaya's more relaxed with him being here, giving reason to watching movies and more stolen kisses as the hours progress. Shizuo gets away with teasing Izaya while he makes dinner, making faces when Izaya drinks wine and then tries to kiss him because he has horrible taste.

By the time it's nowhere close to midnight, Izaya takes him by the hand, leading him up the stairs and into an impromptu kissing session that stumbles into the bedroom. Shizuo doesn't mind, the dull taste of wine on Izaya's tongue as he reciprocates messy kisses and Izaya's fingers knead against his skull, tugging gently on his hair. None of them feel up to any more than this, moving to the bed and there isn't much effort to slipping under the sheets, wrapped up in each other like any other night they get to have to themselves.

Normally, Izaya notices Shizuo falling asleep shortly after they get in bed. Tonight is the same for that, hearing his breathing even out in a slow, deeper rhythm while Izaya knows it takes at least an hour to fall asleep at times. The weight of Shizuo's arm pins him in place, legs tangled in his and Izaya's come to accept the admission to surrender, seeing as there isn't any other way to escape the grasp of a needy, clingy boyfriend.

As the hours tick by and he barely manages to doze off, he starts noticing. Bits and pieces, not quite making sense even though he's trained to pick up on the slightest of changes. Shizuo has the slight effect of keeping him in a drowsy state, just warm enough to mess Izaya up from minutes to hours at a time.

Tonight is different. While awake, more or less, he can't quite pinpoint it. Of course Shizuo is unpredictable and it doesn't change much, but the feeling of something not being exactly right starts to bother him as the minutes pass.

He thinks it starts with the off beats of Shizuo's breaths. By notice, they sound fine, though with closer inspection as Izaya concentrates, he notices the pace slightly off beat, wavering like the feel of Shizuo's fingers starting to twitch over Izaya's hipbone. It's not something to consider, knowing the blond well enough that he's the one who starts snoring at random hours of the night—but for some reason it bothers Izaya more than he'd admit to an awake Shizuo than himself.

"Shizu-chan..." Izaya murmurs, eyes sleepily studying Shizuo's face as his boyfriend's nose twitches, lips creasing faintly in a sudden jerk that races throughout his body and kicks one of his feet into Izaya's leg. Izaya doesn't feel much at first, taking longer to process the twitching that steadily evolves into something more, feeling the tremble of Shizuo's chest from where his head lies.

For a moment, Izaya's fingers brushing over the blond's collarbone silences him, leaving Izaya drifting further and further into the temptation to sleep. The silence hums in the air, eyes forcefully starting every time he tries to close them with a hopeless attempt of sleep. He knows if Shizuo wakes up it means having the him dote over Izaya's insomnia with some foolish hope of trying to help. Even if he means well, nothing works as much as Shizuo sleeping beside him. Not that the brute needs to know, since in sleep he's already irritating enough.

Moments pass. Without warning, Izaya wakes to fingers digging into his hip, a low moan coming from Shizuo as his entire jolts at once, dissolving into trembling with the occasional sudden jerk of a limb. One hand thumps against Izaya's chest, grabbing at bare skin and sweating from the palm while the fingers jerk and seize into a fist.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya groans, rubbing at the spot as he catches the rogue hand, fingers curling into his with a too tight grip. By the look of it, Shizuo is completely unaware as his fingers constrict in Izaya's, tightening to the familiar groan of breaking them and the bones of his boyfriend's hand while Izaya remains entirely too calm. Struggling, he decides, wouldn't help much if Shizuo doesn't even notice him now while biting his lip to keep from straining against the crushing grasp.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya tries again, his free hand coming to tangle in Shizuo's hair as his boyfriend lets out a whimper, low and groaning before his expression tightens and he shudders heavily again. "Shh, Shizu-chan, it's okay," his fingers massage the blond's scalp, coming to thumb the skin behind his ear.

Despite Izaya's attempts, the night terror only gets worse, another low whine coming from his boyfriend as he pants and squirms. He struggles, coming close to thrashing and hitting Izaya again, kicking him hard where Izaya tries to keep himself in bed and not thrown against the wall. The tremors shake the entire bed, twitching and leaving Izaya jumping with the shock of when Shizuo starts to thrash as he moans and cries out incoherently.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya speaks a little more urgently in a hushed whisper, brushing his boyfriend's face with his fingers and gently shaking him at the shoulders. "Shizuo, shh, calm down—!"

Shizuo thrashes against him, throwing Izaya off and into the wall, leaving Izaya to come to the floor heavily as he tries to catch his breath. The fist against his chest knocks the air out of his lungs, leaving him breathless as he gasps, hearing the strangled cries of Shizuo. It must be something awful, Izaya thinks he hears his name in a gasp that becomes a furious chant of babbling incessantly while the blond moves in violent fits.

Izaya finds his jacket on the floor with him, thrown off the bed with less force than he was. An idea comes to mind, hearing the unpleasant sounds Shizuo makes and he thinks maybe it might help, because he knows he's seen Shizuo wearing his jacket under the covers when he's not there at night.

"Shizuo!" Izaya tries, louder as he comes to his feet. Jacket in hand, he pulls himself back on the bed, moving close enough—avoiding a flying fist dangerously close to his face—to wrap Shizuo in the jacket. As soon as his jacket covers Shizuo's flailing arms, Izaya moves in to brace Shizuo tightly against his chest, hushing him with the contemplation of strangling him for the bruise forming over his sternum.

"It's just a dream, _shh,_ " Izaya moves over Shizuo's eyelids and cheeks with quick kisses, catching his boyfriend's hands in his and pinning them beside his head. "Shh, shh, don't panic, you're okay," Izaya tightens his fingers in Shizuo's, thumb stroking over the quivering muscle of his boyfriend's hand. "Shizuo, come on, look at me…"

Finally Shizuo's expression starts to relax, creases of the tight stress lines begin to fade, replaced with the furrowed look of irritation. Izaya murmurs in his ear, repeating the same comfort with the lessened fight Shizuo puts up.

"Shh, shh," Shizuo's eyes start to open, slits of brown barely visible in the provided light of the night in the room. "I'm here, Shizu-chan, don't..."

Shizuo comes to meet Izaya's lips on his, barely awake and feeling sweat soaking into his clothes. But over the dry, somewhat coppery taste of Izaya on him, he can't exactly remember why he's awake. Or why he feels something familiar on him other than Izaya, tickling his throat with a soft, feathery sort of feel to it.

And then he realizes he's still gasping when he realizes where he is, Izaya's hand in one of his and shushing while he presses against him. Izaya's coat is on him, warm and tight enough to keep him from moving as he feels the drops of liquid stinging his lips.

"Shizuo," Izaya breathes over him, pressing against him in an unexpected kiss. His lips linger, gently coaxing a chaste kiss as Shizuo's fingers move to the back of Izaya's head, curling into the nape of his neck. It's warm, coppery, and all the things that taste confusing. "Go back to sleep, it was just a dream." Izaya moves away, wiping at his nose and taking a finger to Shizuo's cheek where he can't see the red drops that have fallen on him.

One slides into his mouth, tasting bitter and burned. Shizuo's brain refuses to work. Which leaves his thoughts muddled and his eyes hazy as he blinks slowly, trying to react to the jacket on him and Izaya pulling him close. A tissue over his face makes Shizuo stare, confused, until the slowed throb of a heartbeat pressed against his ear gives a rhythm to slowing his breaths down.

Izaya's fingers comb through his hair, moving down the curve of his spine and tracing a faint shiver. "Shizu-chan's so cute, wearing my jacket like this..." A kiss presses against his ear, reminding him faintly of the embarrassment for curling into the jacket, breathing in the scent. "Like a little kid, and you never thought I noticed."

Somewhere in Izaya's voice he hears the smile, not so much a smirk as it is teasing. The hand in his hair makes him forget as it massages and rubs, holding him close enough to feel Izaya's chest pressed against forehead as he turns. Izaya's arm slides under his head and his fingers sink back into the blond's scalp, keeping him in place and from trying to move away.

As soon as Shizuo drifts off, Izaya feeling his own weariness getting to him, he reminds himself to poke fun at the _discovery_ when Shizu-chan isn't trying to apologize in the morning.

Izaya moves to hover above the blond head, gently pressing his lips against a warm temple.

Something tells him he'd rather Shizuo keep the habit anyway.

* * *

 _Something for this month's Renai Shizaya and also Nisaki._

 _Thank you for reading._


End file.
